To Work, or Not To Work? That 'Tis the Question

There are some pretty standard questions that everyone asks a new mom: Are you getting any sleep? How are you adjusting? Does [insert baby's name] look like you? How is Baby eating?

Along with these inquiries, I often get asked if I am enjoying being a full-time stay-at-home-mama. Variations of this question look like this: Do you miss work? Do you want to go back to work? Do you think you will stay at home forever? Why are you getting your masters degree? Do you think you will ever use your degree? How do you balance school and being a mama?

My quick response is that, yes, I am loving staying at home with Hank. And, no, I wouldn't change it for the world. But, as more and more people ask me about school/working, I can't help but to process and really consider this legitimate question. Why am I getting a master's degree in public health? Do I really want to pursue a career in this field? Am I using my talents/gifts to their full potential by staying at home with my son? Is me staying at home, raising our children, in line with Scott and I's vision for our family?

There is so much to consider, and I feel like I need to be extra thoughtful and especially prayerful before I, along with my husband, make any decision for the future. I often times catch myself in an internal tug-of-war. Half of me couldn't imagine going back to work and leaving my son with another caretaker. The other half reasons that women take their kids to daycare all of the time, and they're fine. And who wouldn't enjoy some additional income? And, there are tons of neat, cutting edge public health jobs; the industry is booming.

With that said, here is where I am currently (physically, mentally, and emotionally):

Physically: I am a graduate student at Indiana University in the Public Health program. I began the program in the fall of 2009, and have been slowly...and I mean suh-low-ley...taking classes to finish my degree. When I enrolled back in 2009, I worked full-time for a dental office, had a new beau (who I somehow convinced to marry me), and had like uh, zero dollars, so a part-time curriculum worked the best for that season in life and has seemed to work well since.

I started out with a duel concentration (Health Policy/Epidemiology), but after taking a core class, Social and Behavioral Sciences, I was convinced that this was the path for me. Essentially, social and behavioral science professionals look at certain populations and attempt to discern why this group of people is making (or not making) particular health decisions. After identifying problems, a S&B worker may try to implement a program or system to help individuals in the group make healthier choices (i.e. smoking cessation programs in areas/neighborhoods where there is a higher incidence of men and women who smoke).

I am currently taking one online class. I knew motherhood would be a huge time commitment, and I didn't want to feel overwhelmed. Fall classes began just two weeks after Hank was born, so I was comfortable taking on one class with a professor who I have had before. My goal is to be finished with my degree by May 2014.

Mentally: Ya, back to that whole tug-of-war thing.

I LOVE spending time with my son, and I feel so blessed and privileged that my husband is supportive of me staying at home with our little guy. When I am around other women who stay at home, and who are great stay-at-home-mama's, I am encouraged and feel like staying at home with our kids is non optional.  I love that I am Hank's primary caretaker and love the challenge of shaping him into the boy, and eventually the man, we pray he becomes.

Furthermore, daycare is expensive. Like, really expensive. Had I stayed at my job at the dental office, the majority of my income would go towards daycare expenses (both directly and indirectly). We would not only be paying for daycare itself, but I would also be paying more for things like gas to get to and from my workplace. Recently, I was talking with one of my friends who pointed out that working mamas also may spend more on food because eating out seems like an easier option after a long, busy day at work (and, yes, I do realize this isn't always the case, but it is a good point to consider). So, in theory, staying at home saves our family money.

On the other hand, when I am around working women, or when I am engaging other students in my program, I feel like I would love to be back in the workplace. I like thinking critically and problem solving, and conversations with these people keeps me on my toes. We are in the midst of huge changes in healthcare in America, and I think it would be completely interesting and rewarding to land a great job in this field.

Emotionally: While I truly do find public health interesting, I don't know that I am necessarily passionate about it. I can honestly say that I have loved every single class I have taken for my masters with the exception of biostatistics (typing the word makes me cringe). But really, I just find topics like environmental health, emergency preparedness, and health policy so intriguing. However, I can't honestly say that I am so passionate about one of these topics that I would skip to work every morning. 

So, you may ask, am I passionate about staying at home raising Hank? Well, yes and no. I want, more than anything else, for Hank to have a fulfilling, enriching childhood. I want him to learn and grow, to be challenged and tested, and to experience grace and mercy. I think I could be a great teacher for him. But, if I want to be completely honest with myself, the thought of being (almost) solely responsible for upbringing is exhausting. What a huge commitment! And, naturally, I feel pressure to be successful.

Are you still with me? Have I bored you to death? Am I talking in circles? Ya, sorry about that. But, in the words of the great Natalie Imbruglia, "I'm Torn." Great song, by the way.

Here are some things that I believe to be true and that have been revealed to me over the last few months:

1. Being a stay-at-home-mama is one hundred percent a full-time job. There is value in providing for your family in this way.SAHMs are constantly thinking for their children, determining what their needs are and how they can provide them. SAHMs are their childrens' greatest teachers. They influence and shape their children. Most SAHMs also have other, managerial responsibilities like cleaning, scheduling (doc appts, soccer games, etc.), and cooking (I say most because if you know my hubs, you know that he is our designated custodian).

2. Working mamas are equally valuable and amazing. I have told Scott, on several occasions, that I am so impressed with women who are able to work full-time jobs and play the role of 'mama'. I know some women have found really great jobs that they love, so that could make things easier, and I know that sometimes circumstances do not allow women to stay at home. Regardless of the reason(s) some mamas choose to work, I am beyond amazed by these gals.

3. I struggle with pride. Let me be vulnerable. Sometimes, when I think about it, I hate that I am dependent (more specifically, financially dependent) on my husband. How jacked up is that?! He's my husband. We are a family, a unit, but, because of my ego, I hate that he is providing for me. As a result of my arrogance, I feel pressure to work and to have my 'own' income.

On the contrary, I am too prideful to let anyone else raise my child. After all, no other human being on this earth could raise  my son better than I could, right? That's how my prideful mind works. Someone needs a slap in the face with a little humility.

Ok, let me wrap this up. In conclusion, I think that every family is different, and that each individual woman should decide--with her honey--what is best for the kiddo(s). I don't think there is a right answer, and I think women should be thoughtful and prayerful when deciding what direction to take.

Right now, Scott and I think I am best suited where I am...a stay-at-home-mama and a (very) part-time student. As Hank gets older and as we add to our family, that could change. I want to be flexible and open to new opportunities and experiences. But, right now, I am loving staying at home with The Hankster.

What are your thoughts? Does anyone else struggle with this? What did you decide? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Hope everyone had a great weekend!