My sweet Hank,
Let’s start with your delivery. Daddy and I went to IU North on a Tuesday evening knowing that there was a high chance of meeting you soon. My doctor, Dr. Karen Gallagher, had agreed to induce me that evening. Daddy and I were incredibly thankful because we were beyond ready to meet you. In my tummy, you were quite the athlete, constantly kicking and punching and flipping. While at first I loved feeling your rather aggressive movements, by the end of my third trimester, I was ready to get you out! Uncomfortable is an understatement. But, you should know, I would experience those sleepless, restless nights a million times over if it meant finally meeting you.
When we got to the hospital around 8p.m., the kind nursing staff started me on my IV and gave me a drug called Pitocin which, from my understanding, helped my body start more consistent labor contractions. I had several “Braxton-Hicks” contractions (false contractions) before I went to the hospital, but they were never painful or frequent. Next, a few hours later, I was given an epidural. This was probably the “worst” part of the delivery, not because it was painful, but because I was scared. Your Daddy and Baba had to leave the room as the anesthesiologist put a needle in my spine to numb the lower half of my body. I remember shaking and sweating because at that point, the reality that I would meet you soon had set in.
At midnight, Dr. Gallagher broke my water. I didn’t feel a thing, but Daddy and Baba said they heard a rush of water. Shortly after, your Baba went home so that during the delivery, it would only be your father, me, and you. We wanted it this way. We wanted time to enjoy you all to ourselves. We wanted to count your fingers and toes and stare at you and fall in love with you. Just us three. And that’s exactly what we did.
When he got back into the room (looking a lot better, by the way), I pushed for about forty-five minutes. I never once was in pain. Rather, I felt pressure that indicated you were moving slowly down the birth canal. I was relaxed and slightly underwhelmed. We asked the nurse if you had any hair, and she said that you did even before you crowned. I imagined you with hair my entire pregnancy, so this made me smile. Soon enough, you made your way into this world, and at that moment you changed my life forever.
You were born, Wednesday, July 25, 2012, at 4:24 a.m. and weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces (big boy!) and were 20.5 inches long.
 |
| Grandma and Grandpa Prentice |
Boy, was I wrong.
I loved you from the instant I saw you. Your dark hair. Your long legs. Your precious face. Even your sweet cry. You had been growing inside me for forty long weeks, and now I finally could see you . Your Daddy was absolutely amazed by you. I know his heart was filled with unexplainable love, too. He took pictures of you and was so proud of his handsome little man. The joy you brought to us in that moment is indescribable. You were our baby, our little Hank, our gift from God.
I wish I could say that post-delivery was as easy as labor. But it was not. Physical and mental exhaustion caught up with me. When we were moved to the room where we would be staying the next few nights, they had to take you out of the room to run a few tests to make sure you were healthy. As they wheeled you out of the room, I lost it. I tried to fight back tears, but I couldn’t. Sure, my hormones had gotten the best of me, and maybe I was slightly delusional, but I did NOT want anyone taking my baby away from me. I loved you so much already. I had to protect you. So, I did the only thing I could do: cry and give Daddy and Baba swift orders to follow you to the nursery and watch you get your tests. They both were compliant.
 |
| Baba and Hank |
You have his mouth, his chin, his lips, his ears, his head, his legs, his arms. You are his mini me, and he loves you so much. My prayer is that you will get his constitution, too. I pray you are stable and structured. That you are giving and compassionate. That you are helpful and a hard worker. And most importantly, that you love the Lord.
Hank, I have changed SO much in the last week. All because of you. My perspective on life and love is forever transformed. I stare at you and my heart swells with emotion. The Bible tells us that you are a reward from God. And you are. I do not deserve you. I do not deserve your sweet smiles and soft coos. I do not deserve the amazing feeling I get when nobody can calm you down but me. But, because of God’s grace, I have you. I have you to keep and raise and love. And I am so thankful for that. I am so grateful that I get to be your Mommy.
 |
| Grandma Jenny and Grandpa John |
Your Daddy has a classic case of OCD. He cleans and cleans and cleans. And when he is done cleaning, he cleans some more. Before you, I sometimes found his cleaning habits obnoxious even though he thought he was being helpful. Now, because of you, I find his constant need to do laundry and dishes and sweep and scrub to be a huge blessing. He loves to serve. You have been home over a week , and I can count on one hand how many times I have changed your diaper. Your Daddy has changed the majority of them and has it down to a science. He gets up in the middle of the night with you to feed you, so I can get long hours of sleep. So, in a strange, twisted way, you have caused me to grow in my love for my husband, your father.
You have also softened my heart. Before you, I was indifferent
to children. Sure I thought they were sweet and cute, but I didn’t fully grasp
their magnificence. But now I see them in a new light. Babies are helpless and
innocent, true treasures from the Lord. At your first doctor’s appointment with
your pediatrician, Dr. Joe Hanna, a sweet little girl around eight or nine
months old came into the waiting area. Half of her head was shaved, and she had
hearing aids and glasses. As soon as I saw her, my heart instantly broke, and I
began crying uncontrollably. I was bottle feeding you and did not have any free
hands, so your Daddy had to constantly wipe my face with a tissue. The tears
wouldn’t stop. You have brought out a new level of compassion that I never knew
was possible. And for that, I thank you. One of my favorite memories with you is breastfeeding. I have to admit I didn’t love the idea at first but made the choice to breastfeed because it was the healthiest option for you. After the first few times of feeding you, I felt a connection with you that I can’t put into words. There is just something sweet about the fact that you needed your Mommy, and I got to provide you nourishment. I loved looking into your eyes and feeling your soft skin while you ate. The bond was incredible.
After a few nights, Mommy and Daddy realized that you were not getting full feedings. I would feed you, and after a few short minutes, you would demand more. The process was frustrating and tiring, and I spent many hours crying because I couldn’t meet one of your most basic needs.
So, Daddy and I made the decision that I would pump breast milk and bottle feed you. The decision was tough. Selfishly, I hated giving up that time with you. I hated that I was failing to give you a full belly. However, deep down, I knew that I needed to put my pride aside and choose to make sure you were a healthy, full baby boy. After all, you were still getting my milk.
Since the switch, you have done great. You eat and sleep quite often, but our favorite time with you is “wake time” where we talk and play with you and stare into your big blue (for now) eyes. We take you on walks, have tummy time with you, and shower you with kisses. You are SO precious, and I am so grateful for you.
I can’t wait to get to know you more over the next
few weeks, months, and years. I seriously cannot put into words how much I love
you. You are my firstborn, my precious Hank.
Thank you, God, for my sweet son. Thank you, Hank,
for making my heart smile every time I look at you or think about you.
Love, Your Mommy
p.s. I cried AT LEAST five times writing this, and that’s something you will probably never understand. It’s a Mommy thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment